a woman's world :: :
If women ruled the world . . . .
Car buying can be confusing with all of the
option
packages. Why not make things
simpler?
And to compliment the simpler car choices, how about
a speedometer that "tells it like it is?"
Parking a
problem, ladies? Not if women
ruled the
world.
Even cartoonists have ideas for the "Woman's World."
"It's
our new option for the modern, busy career woman!"
In a "Woman's World," it's okay to fix your
hair
and makeup while driving erratically.
And while
driving down the road at 85-mph applying
blush, women will
enjoy this convenient built-in makeup kit.
Car insurance designed for the Woman's World.
The newer model automobiles will be equipped with
special "Side Impact Airbags"
in a Woman's Wor-, oh, screw it. Who am I
kidding? This is something MEN would want to have, damnit!
Bowling - once dominated by men - is given an "Extreme
Makeover"
in a "Woman's World."
Furniture assembly can be a complicated endeavor.
But in a Woman's World, the instructions are a piece
of Godiva
chocolate.
Women and tools are about as incongruous as Michael
Jackson and
child care. Fortunately in Woman's World, the tools are quite
versatile.
Cigarettes have been re-"tooled" with women in mind.
Fountains depicting nude women holding a vase will
be vanquished
in a "Woman's World." The women have another style that's
more
aesthetically pleasing to their new female-dominant world.
What woman cannot appreciate the newly designed
Woman's World toilet?
Whether fixing your hair and makeup on I-35 or the
Information
Superhighway, you know you'll always look good.
Along with the "Compact" mouse is the Microsoft
"Yap;"
geared especially for the "Woman's World."
This fuzzy, pink laptop just screams "Woman's World."
"Volvo says it has a new car out that is designed
by
women for women.
It even has a global positioning device, where if
it
spots a husband anywhere in the world cheating, it
positions itself to
run the guy over."
-- Jay Leno
"Volvo says its new car, the YCC, is the first car
designed
and developed exclusively by women, for women.
They say it
is safe, it is fuel-efficient, and the exterior is
designed
to always make the trunk look as small as
possible."
--Jay Leno
NOTE FROM CHRIS WHITE: Volvo is showing a concept car
designed
for and by women. Among the car's features: seat covers that are
changed
easily and can be run through a washing machine; and a headrest with
a
groove to accommodate women who wear ponytails.
I thought this list might benefit from a broa-- er, woman's
touch, so I asked
TopFive contributor Kim Walker-Daniels if she would do the
honors. Voila!
The Top 13 Features of a Car
Designed for Women
13> Tom Cruise Control.
12> Spare tire compartment contains a skirt with a
long slit to
attract potential tire-changing good Samaritans hoping to
get
lucky.
11> The mirror reads, "Asses in mirror appear smaller
because they
*really are* smaller. It's not an optical illusion.
And you
look totally smokin' in those khakis."
10> Whenever an unattractive man turns the ignition,
the engine
doesn't start and a voice states, "It's not you, it's
me."
9> Radio filters out stupid men's voices one week out of every month.
8> Out: lumbar support. In: emotional support.
7> Lower-dash-mounted fan -- 'cause you try wearing
panty-hose
all day in July, Mister!
6> In lieu of a honking horn, steering wheel
whispers, "You're fat!"
at drivers of threatening cars.
5> Fake steering wheel and pedals on the passenger
side so, as in
every other aspect of the marriage, hubby can pretend *he's*
in control.
4> During PMS, OnStar system locates the nearest chocolate retailer.
3> At tune-ups, the car requests gasoline with oil
separately on the
side, dry wiper fluid, towel-patted engine block and please
put
on the new tires *before* doing the alignment.
2> A simple controller switch adjusts gas/brake pedal
positions
for flats, office heels or clubbing heels.
... and Topfive.com's Number 1 Feature of a Car
Designed for Women ...
1> Cup holder now dubbed the "testicle
receptacle" for holding
your emasculated PT Cruiser-driving boyfriend's
balls.
Of course, why not start a little younger at reigning
over the world; as depicted
in this Worth1000 photo
contest.
Do you have a special "If Women Ruled The World" picture to share with us?
: :: E-MAIL :: :
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: :: thanks to joann,
nancy, and marie for these pictures!
updated 5.22.04